I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
