I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
