My cat gives me a boner
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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