i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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