Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
