I murdered the dance floor call the cops
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
