well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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