just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
