How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
