Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
