I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
