everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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