i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have aggressive nipples.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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