I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
