Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
