plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
