how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
