Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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