11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
