So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
