Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
