We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
