If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
