Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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