? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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