So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
