I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
