She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
