I feel like abortions should bother me more
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
