took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
