i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
