Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
