just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
