My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
