I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
