ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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