i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
