i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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