I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
