put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
