I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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