Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
