NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
