Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
