Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
