She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
