Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
