Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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