How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
