trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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